Wow, it has been a while since my last post and I don’t really know where to start. Last we left off, I was babbling about fighting styles, what couples tend to argue about, and how stressed I was with moving to SF, blah blah blah. How about I focus on what has been going well recently, and just how grateful and blessed I feel with my life! I must admit, the adjustment has not been that easy. With a move to a brand new city, a new job (as a matter of fact my first career), living with a boy (husband), planning my wedding (December 27th, so soon, crap), and just overall adjustment to life without what I had grown accustomed to in San Diego. So here I am paying bills (more like helping, since my husband is the finance man), taking care of the house, trying keep things in order, and being a big girl for once (I know, I know, its about damn time). This adjustment was just what I had needed, I can not describe how much I have found myself in the midst of my new transitions. I am slowly, but surely, finding myself with every new journey, whether that involves my relationship with love, my career, or simply myself. I do have to say, I am surprised with what I have to offer, in a very positive way. Anyways, I would like to briefly share some tips that I have found helpful in making my transition to change less stressful and more pleasant. Keep in mind this is what has worked for me, and I am not in any way attempting to change your belief system. 🙂
1. Stop focusing on what is difficult, and highlight the positives of your new transition. This is hard, because it is often easier to fall into a negative mindset when we are forced out of our comfort zone. Soon after, we find ourselves wrapped in a negative bubble that blinds our judgement of other changes that present themselves. And so, we are left with overwhelming feelings, anxiety, tension, and even sadness. Why? Well because the negative bubble has prevented our vision to the positive things that have been going on around us, since we have been only focusing on and interpreting everything as negative. Beware of this trap because it sucks you in, and it is difficult to climb your way out. So, try focusing on the positives, whether that be new opportunities, changes within yourself, or even learning the limits of your own strength, and you will slowly dissolve the negative bubble surrounding you. With practice and diligence, mastering the skill to challenge your negative thinking will soon enough become your most valuable weapon in your repertoire.
2. Do you believe in the saying, “Things happen for a reason?” Well I do. I have found that this belief has made my life much easier. When an unwanted situation takes place, I do my best to not blame myself for the mistake, and instead think, “Things were intended to happen this way.” This of course does not mean that every circumstance should be perceived lightly. In fact, we should still take every situation as a life lesson, and learn from the given situation. However, when I picture such circumstances as, “Outside my control,” I feel more happy with myself, my self-esteem is not damaged, and my still intact confidence continues to drive me further. Not every body is wired to feel, and think similarly, but for me, adapting to this style of thinking has allowed for me to overcome my obstacles much more smoothly. When we start blaming ourselves for the unwanted circumstances, we welcome the outer negativity with open arms, because we exhibit uncertainty and self-doubt. I have found that processing certain events as outside of my personal control, has really been helpful in maintaining my sanity, and self-esteem.
3. Finding a healthy hobby, or at least searching for one is huge my friends. Trying out new things and channeling your energy into something productive will soothe and replenish you. I have to tell you, dabbling in different things has really taught me what I am and am not good at. The idea of self discovery can help increase our feelings of fulfillment, and even distract us from unnecessary stress and consuming thoughts related to adjustment.
4. Sometimes when dealing with change, we lose ourselves among the new transitions. But just because you are adjusting to change, does not mean you have to let go of your comfort zone completely. Whether the comfort zone is a daily routine that grounds you or a material object, try to incorporate it into your new adjustment period. This will help remind you that in a world of constant change, you remain constant.
5. Remember when you were little and your parents bribed you when they wanted something done? “Billy (cliche), if you clean your room you can go outside and play,” or “Timmy (yet another cliche name) if you help set the table you can watch TV for an additional 30 minutes.” Sound familiar? Well maybe if you grew up in the 50’s with these examples, but you get the point. I can not stress the importance of positive reinforcement. So why not positively reinforce yourself? I found that rewarding myself throughout the week for my hard work and diligence, is how can I not say it again, “rewarding.” I like to set a schedule for myself at home and even at work, and once I accomplish my goals I like to treat myself to something fun.
The 5 tips I shared above have been extremely helpful in my adjustment to life in a new city, my new career, and my marriage. If they do not work for you, trying new things is a sure way to discover what does…